All the Numbers Lied Tonight

I counted nine steps up to the attic.
Four twists of the key.
I counted the seven circles I paced around the room
So I could sit down once.
I blinked my eyes twice so I wouldn’t die,
Then twice for a brighter future.
Twenty-seven blinks and shakes it took
Until I could look out the window.
And for a moment I could forget it all,
Seeing the green of trees, peaks of houses.
For a moment, I could forget
There was more to be done.
Then I had to tap twice,
And blink a thousand times.
Just so, for a second,
I could feel I’d be alright.

Then I walked down the smoky streets.
I made sure to step over every crack
With the left foot.
I knew if I stepped over with my right,
Then my girlfriend would die
On her hiking trip tomorrow.
Three times I pressed the button,
And blinked 20 times to cross the street.
I could barely see the cracks,
But I knew where they were,
And I stepped over most of them.
My foot slipped,
And the tip of my shoe came down
In the wrong place.
My father’s going to get murdered tomorrow.
Someone’s going to quietly pick the lock
And slip inside.
My father’s going to be asleep,
And someone’s going to walk down the hall
And open his door,
And walk up to him
Sleeping in bed.
He’s going to listen to him awhile
Like that.
He’s going to put a long slick razor
To his neck—
And I had to run
Because a car barreled
From around the corner.

The number of steps from
The corner to the quickie store
Is 27,
And 27 is a very
Evil number.

So before I reached the door,
I took a turn and walked in a circle
To make the number 30.

30 is not a good number,
But it’s not as bad as 27.
Maybe, if I blink 20 times,
I won’t have a heart-attack tonight,
I thought.

I walked in,
Keeping my feet on the
White checkered tiles.
With each step,
I tapped twice on my hip—
Hiding it—
So the clerk wouldn’t think
I was too strange.

I walked to the back
And found the tickets.
Today’s the 18th, I thought—
So two more nights
Until the next lucky night.

I filled out the sheet,
And this time,
I managed to avoid smearing
The pencil
Outside the lines.
My number tonight
Is 528.
God, or the universe
Must love me.

I made a $10 bet last night.
If my number wins,
I’ll be able to eat on Thursday,
And Friday, and Saturday,
And for the next few months.
And maybe for a little while,
I can forget about the numbers.
I’ll forget to tap, and blink, and walk my walk,
And my girlfriend won’t smear her brains on the rocks,
And Dad won’t get his throat cut,
And I’ll be free,
And life will be different.

The clerk handed me the ticket.
I almost forgot to take it with my right hand.
I walked a circle outside,
And 28 steps to the corner.
And I walked back.
By that point,
I’d taken 950 steps.
1000 is the lucky number,
So in the attic, I followed the grooves
My feet have worn in a circle
On the floor.
I counted 150 steps.
And tapped twice,
And blinked 1000 times
So I don’t die in my sleep.

Tomorrow morning I will wake up
And I’ll find out
If I’m a winner.